Yup, you’re going through a break up. Doesn’t really matter who dropped the bomb, but in most cases you could both taste it coming. Something was off. And “somebody” has to pull the plug. Preferably, it was you, Mr RedPill Aware. Regardless, it’s done.
So why is there all this advice to hard block and go what’s called “No Contact”? The easiest answer is why it’s good for you from your perspective.
Breakups are always a stinger. And everyone has some ‘stuff’ to work through and fill the hole in your life AND sort through what you learned (so your next relationship is better)
The ‘extra time’ needs to be filled. Back on the exercise; clean your place; look at your wardrobe; check your DETAILS- vehicle, wardrobe, finances. How many little projects have slipped through the cracks? When was your last medical? Yeah, exactly. There is stuff to do. Get on it.
The last thing you need is interruptions in text and calls and social media pings from her. Detach the emotional hose. She has one and so do you.
And the biggest thing to focus on is the silence from that relationship. No contact? Less thoughts about ‘her’. And you’re supposed to be focusing on abundance and meeting new women (that you may have let slip in these masky and Covidy times).
But the BIGGEST benefit to No Contact is what it does to her and how that helps you even further.
Firstly, regardless of who cut it off, YOU are making a decision and blocking; going silent; submerging and going deep. Off the grid. You ACTED decisively and quickly. Masculine.
Next, you’ve cut off her supply of attention and validation. Let’s be serious, we exchange our time, attention and resources (and charm) for sex and feminine beauty in your life. Your sex with her is cut off so let’s level the losses. Right?
Let her simmer in the lack of attention. She will notice every gift; every outfit; every silly thing you fixed in her place; the tricks you taught her about bbq-ing, etc. Yeah, give her the silence to miss ALL the things she underestimated and took for granted.
If you aren’t one of those that believes you should never take an ex back, her time alone will fuel the “I miss him’s”.
And while she is soaking in these doubts, you are getting stuff done and getting your swagger back like she is NEVER coming back. For those of you familiar with Athol Kay’s MAP (Male Action Plan), in a broken relationship and/dead bedroom, the plan is focusing on you and getting fit (financially and physically) and doing your stuff as if she is already gone. “The Go Plan is the Stay Plan”. No Contact does both- You Work; She Wonders. regardless of whether she comes back, you’re better either way. And maybe your new swagger drew someone new while she waited (too long)
But in my mind, here is the Big Win.
Can you remember ANY breakup where you weren’t painted as the Bad Guy? I didn’t think so. So we both know how this is gonna play out and be recorded by her rationalization hamster (she MUST preserve her ‘good person’ self-perception at ALL COSTS! That is hardwired and an immutable law of femininity. Period. AWALT. Yes, your mom, too)
So accepting this reality, ANYTHING you say or do WILL be used against you in the Court of Hamsters. I believe the phrase my friend Turk uses is “The Airing of Relationship Crimes”
And you have no concept how desperately she needs to tell you her tirade of “Man Bad” items over however long you were together in order to ‘Build her Case’ (I’ll mention for the clueless that SHE is judge and jury. You also get no lawyer)
You are The Supreme Court. Don’t read the charges. Throw the case out unheard. Grounds? Her ‘Jury’ is severely compromised. Her case will be FULL of shaming tactics; manipulations’ grievous mis-rememberances of events; complete fabrications and more out of context accusations than you could defend. Or even recall to defend against.
One of the most “Poke in the Eye” concepts I’ve come across is D.E.E.R. In game, whether in a relationship or approach, NEVER DEER. Defend; Explain; Excuse; Rationalize.
Once you do so with a woman, she knows she’s hit a hot button. Her “Shit Tests” are designed to find these responses. And the Airing of Crimes is designed to trigger your need to protect your reputation and your masculine logic to “mansplain” yourself to Good Guy. At worst, just to correct her INTENTIONAL errors in the charges.
The mere response to ANY of her charges is DEERing. Thus, weakness in her eyes; failed shit test; and more fuel to her hamsters that this breakup is Righteous and, yes, YOU are the bad guy. And equally bad is you are rewarding disrespect. Rewarding bad behavior with your attention will only bring more of it.
She wants the engagement. Needs it. The argument (for your attention) and your explanations (DEERing test fails) to prove her rationalization that “You Suck”. She will do everything possible to suck you into the tug of war. A tug of war you can’t win. Ever. And men are instinctively competitive. We love a good tug of war AND we know we have logic on our side. Our ego sees the challenge and we know we’re stronger on the rope. So tempting. But it isn’t a tug of war. Your end of the rope is resting on quicksand.
Don’t pick up the rope.
You have better things to do.
The Mind of CD Behr 